Funny Girl

Sookie:  You’re gonna be a Sadie!

Lorelai:  A what?

Sookie:  Sadie, Sadie, married lady!  Meet a mortgagee!

Lorelai:  Funny Girl!

Sookie:  Streisand! – 2.1

 

This is one of my absolute favorite movies of all time.  I love Barbara in it, I love the songs, I just love everything about it.  And it’s one of the few movies on this list that I actually own, which is nice.  If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it.  It’s a perfect Friday night, order a pizza, wear your jammies kind of movie.  Which is exactly what I’m doing while watching it.

Now some things to mention:

1. Any movie that has the first line “Hello, gorgeous,” is ok in my book.
2. Barbara Streisand was really pretty in her day.
3. I miss the days when the requirements to be a famous actor included having talent.  I mean, I don’t know that I was alive when that was the case, but I like the movies from that time.
4. Usually when I meet an attractive man, I sing his name in my head…or not.
5. Polish on his fingernails?  Gross.
6. Fanny was right to make the bride number funny.  The lyrics are stupid.
7. Do some guys get a booklet about things to say to give a girl butterflies?  I mean, some guys can’t do it, but some guys, it’s like they just know.  Nick Arnstein got the booklet.
8. A man saying he doesn’t make definite plans because they make him feel tied down is a HUGE red flag.
9. Yes, I would agree that “You are woman, I am man, let’s kiss” is a very direct approach.
10. Oh that purple dress.  I have dreams about Barbara’s gorgeous wardrobe in this movie.
11. Yes, I’m a feminist and I don’t think any woman should throw her career away for a man, but I do love Don’t Rain On My Parade.
12. I don’t know that I would want to marry a man who would only propose if he won a poker game.  Sorry Nick.
13. I kinda wish Fanny had married the piano player.
14. I love the Swan Lake number.  I don’t know that there’s many actresses out there now who would make themselves look as silly as Barbara does.
15. Geez, Nick.  Get a real job.  Stop gambling and expecting to survive off of it.
16. Is it so horrible for a man to be supported by a woman?  I mean, she’s a successful actress, is that so wrong?
17. This is why husbands should talk to their wives.  So they don’t do stupid stuff and go to jail.
18. You should’ve married the piano player…he never went to jail.
19. Quit the theatre?  He went to jail, he doesn’t get to tell you to quit the theatre.
20. Good job, Barbara.

Ordinarily, women who are so crazy, stupid in love with their husbands make me nuts.  Not the being in love part, but the “can’t possibly survive without him” part.  And, yeah, Fanny’s desperation to marry Nick and her blind devotion to him does kind of make me nuts.  But in her character, I just see it as immaturity, not lack of independence.  He’s her first love and she’s crazy about him.  She doesn’t want to believe anything bad about him.  But I think she does wise up and realize that while she loves him, she can get by without him if necessary.  She’s amazing in her career and she supports him while knowing she can support herself.  And, the ending pretty much redeems her in my eyes as a strong, independent woman.

 

Not Without My Daughter

“It’s going to be just like that Sally Field movie where her husband took them to Iran and wouldn’t let them come back except I won’t have to keep my head covered.”  – 2.1

Hello Season 2 movies!
I don’t know anything about this movie except that Sally Field is in it and it‘s based on a true story…  So here goes!

Things to mention:

1. No way!  It’s Doc Ock!
2. If it’s bad enough that he’s swearing on the Koran that you won’t be in any danger in Iran…that’s probably a bad sign.
3. Careful Sally, they are a little TOO excited about your visit…You may be staying longer than 2 weeks.
4. Every uncovered hair is like a dagger to the heart of your mothers?  Maybe we’re being a little over dramatic, guys.
5. Yeah, sorry, but if my husband talked to me like that, he’d be in big trouble.  And I wouldn’t be there much longer for him to talk to me like that.
6. “Oops, sorry honey.  I forgot to tell you, this two week vacation is forever.”
7. Oh hell no.  You do not tell your wife she has to live in Iran and then punch her.
8. How can you fall in love with someone and marry them and have a child with them and then turn into such a dick?  Hit her, kidnap her, force her to live in a foreign country and not even talk to her about it?  I’m so mad at you, Doc Ock.
9. That little girl is stinking adorable.  Especially their little prayer.  So cute.
10. Hold up…If you marry an Iranian man, you automatically become an Iranian citizen?  That’s insane!  Seriously, read the fine print before getting married, ladies.
11. “I never want to hurt you” is hard to say when you beat the crap out of her just a couple days earlier.
12. I think Islam is really fascinating.  This movie is kind of making the whole religion look awful.  Sad for Islam.
13. Oh my goodness, that little girl screaming and crying when they drop her off at school is so heartbreaking!
14. Yeah, your wife having a busted lip and a black eye really makes you look like a great husband.
15. Oh dear Lord, he hit that little girl.  If I could reach through the tv I would kick him in the balls.
16. Geez, run a little faster Betty!
17. Don’t you hug him, Betty!  He beat you, he kidnapped your daughter, he locked you alone in the house, and you hug him?!
18. Why couldn’t she just live in that giant house of Houssein’s?  Until they can get back to America?
19. Why is it so stinking hard to get out of Iran?
20. I’m not really one of those “Proud to be an American” types, but I may have teared up when she saw the American flag at the end.

Ok, that was good.  Not my number one choice, but I definitely didn’t get bored with it.  It did make me hate Doc Ock though.  Good thing he died at the end of Spiderman.

Saving Private Ryan

“It would be like watching the first 15 minutes of Saving Private Ryan, but at least those guys got to be in France.” – 1.19

I’m really sucking at this blog, huh?  I have a bunch of excuses if you want to hear them…  No internet at my house, I got sucked into Mad Men and starting getting that sent by Netflix, I work a lot, blah blah blah…Sorry.  But I’ll try to get back on track!

I’m really not all that excited about this one.  I don’t particularly like war movies.  And certainly not war movies that are close to 3 hours long.  But I do love Tom Hanks.  So I might be able to make it through this one.  I could just pretend I’m watching Big if I wanted to.

1. Did we really have to see the guys throw up on the boat before they get on the beach?  That seems a little unnecessary.
2. Ew!  Some guy’s leg just got blown off!  Oh…That guy is carrying his own arm.  I’m going to vomit.
3. How did anyone stay in the theatre during the beginning of this movie?  I’m definitely done watching.
4. The guy who got hit with a bullet on his helmet, took his helmet off and then got shot in the head, kinda deserved to die for taking his helmet off.  Clearly someone has a good shot of you, why get rid of your armor?
5. Oh those poor secretaries having to type all those letters to families about their sons being dead…Talk about a depressing job.
6. Oh no.  Listen, if you know anything about me, you know that the guy in their group who played Chandler’s roommate on Friends when Joey moved out and also played that guy in Dazed and Confused who hung out with the frizzy redhead and Mark from Rent…makes me absolutely sick.  I have a very strong hatred for this actor.  There’s absolutely no reason for it, but I hate him so much.  He’s jittery and he always plays some obnoxious character.  He may have just ruined this movie for me.  I hate him more than I hate Nicholas Cage.  And that is saying a lot.  Maybe they’ll kill him off early.  Also, be forewarned that several items in this list will simply be “I hate that guy.”  From here on out, you know what that means.
7. Man, I could’ve totally been ok with keeping Vin Diesel in a little longer over that other guy.  You’re killing off the wrong characters, Spielberg.  I hate that guy.
8. They found the WRONG Ryan?!  Holy crap.
9. Ok, I get that you’re pissed that you’re risking your lives to bring one man home, but it’s not Private Ryan’s fault, so don’t call names.  He doesn’t even know about it.
10. Yeah, I definitely don’t like war movies.  Sorry.
11. Damn,  That guy I hate just keeps surviving.  This is like in House of Wax when everyone died, but Paris Hilton kept living.
12. I may be way behind on this…but Matt Damon is Private Ryan?  I honestly had no idea.
13. Ok, I get the whole camaraderie thing with your troop, but seriously, Ryan?  They tell you to go home to your mom, you freaking go home.
14. I’ve lost most of my interest in this movie.
15. I feel like I’m watching someone else play a video game.
16. Stop, drop, and roll, guys on fire!
17. Dear Guy I Hate,  I’m sorry about all the mean things I said about you.  You died in a really horrible way.  I won’t hate you in this movie.  But I will continue hating you in everything else you’ve done.
18. If I ever get shot, I wanna be like the guy that got shot and said “I just got the wind knocked out of me.”  That’s so bad ass.
19. What?!  Tom Hanks DIES!?  I thought he was the old man in the beginning!  What are you doing to me!?
20. You’re not going to show the reunion between Ryan and his mother?  Lame.

So, I guess for people who are into this kind of movie, it’s pretty good.  Very bloody, very action packed, and not something I would pick for myself.  But I still love Tom Hanks.

Citizen Kane

“I screwed up their big Citizen Kane plans, that’s all.” – 1.15

I’ve seen this one a few times now.  This is one of the few movies when other people say it’s one of the greatest movies ever, I can actually agree with them.  It’s definitely a good movie.  Plus as a fan of Newsies, I love that it is rumored to be based on the life of William Randolph Hearst.  It just makes me want to sing “And The World will know, and The Journal too, Mr. Hearst and Pulitzer have we got news for you…”  Yes.  I knew those lyrics off the top of my head.

Now some things to mention:

1. A wedding at the town hall in Trenton, New Jersey?  Nothing sounds more depressing.
2. When I get rich, after I pay off all my student loans and do some traveling, I’m going to buy a big piece of land and give it some crazy name like Xanadu or Neverland Ranch and not let anyone come except for my friends.  It’s going to have a rollercoaster and a pool and monkeys and maybe my own McDonald’s.
3. What a crappy job to just find out what a man’s dying words meant.  Most dying people don’t make much sense towards the end.  When I die, I’m going to say something crazy that doesn’t make any sense, and let people go nuts.
4. Aw, I miss snow.
5. Young Kane is attractive.  Old Kane, not so much.
6. Poor Mr. Carter.  Newspapers aren’t respectable now, and they probably weren’t back then either.
7. Old age is the only disease you don’t look forward to being cured of…I don’t know about that.  I wouldn’t mind being a crazy old lady.  Old people can say whatever they want, no matter how inappropriate, but no one cares because they’re old.  I look forward to those days.  Although, I guess the cure is death.  I’m not totally looking forward to that.
8. Maybe I’ll find a wealthy husband by laughing at him for having mud splashed all over him…
9. Damn straight, his 1st wife is awesome for confronting her husband’s mistress.  Even if it was all orchestrated by his political competition.
10. He wrote a bad review of his wife’s performance in order to seem like an honest man?  Or a jerk face man…
11. Being an opera singer looks very stressful.
12. Oh my gosh, Susan has the most irritating voice in the history of voices.  Not singing.  Just talking.
13. That is NOT a picnic.  That’s like a luau at a fancy Hawaiian resort.
14. I know this movie is from the 40’s, but Kane’s old man makeup is pretty awful.
15. And now no one will ever know what Rosebud means.  Except for the millions of people that have seen the movie.

I love this movie.  It’s always interesting to watch the destruction of a man’s life at his own hands.  It’s like a mystery, but it doesn’t really get solved.  At least not in a very satisfying way, and really only for the viewer, not for the characters.  It’s just interesting.

Mask

“You’re nervous?  You don’t have some guy staring at you like he’s Cher and you’re that kid from Mask!” – 1.12

Went in blindly on this one.  I was a little nervous about Cher trying to act, but willing to give it a shot.  And opening with a Springsteen song is a good start.

Now some things to mention:

1. Nice reaction to your date’s son: “Jesus!  Who’s that?!”
2. I hope they explain why Rocky and Rusty hang out with a bunch of bikers.
3. Oh my goodness, cutest puppy ever.
4. Good job with all the drugs, Cher.
5. Well, the movie wouldn’t be complete without a musical number by Cher.
6. Great parenting, hiring a prostitute for your 14 year old son.
7. I wonder what happens if you have that disease but you don’t have a great personality like Rocky?  What if you’re just born as a really shy kid?  Or does having that kind of disease kind of create that sort of personality where you have to be a little brave about talking to people?  Another question for another day…
8. Estelle Getty just saved this movie.  Who doesn’t love Sophia?
9. I feel like a lot of the movies I’ve watched for this blog have had a blind character.
10. Damn straight, Rocky.  You shove that kid into that locker.  If I were him, I would’ve done that a long time ago.
11. Who knew this movie would have such a sweet love story?
12. Oh man, I hate how obvious they are about how this is going to end…Time to start crying.

Well, the middle of this movie did kind of bore me, but I was invested enough to be really sad at the end.  But I won’t lie, the beginning and middle were kinda lame.  But it was a really interesting story.  And true.

Midnight Express

Rory: Hey, maybe on our big trip to Europe we could go to Prague and stay in his cell.

Lorelai: Absolutely. And then we can go to Turkey and stay in that place from Midnight Express. – 1.09

Gilmore Girls references this one a couple of times, so I figured it would be pretty good.  But I’d never really heard much about it, so I didn’t know what to express.  It’s Academy Award-winning so it can’t be all bad.

Really, it’s pretty good.  It’s incredibly violent.  I did a lot of screaming and covering my eyes.  But it was pretty incredible to watch.  The story is amazing.  It would be cool to do some research and find out just how true the movie is to the actual story.  What I do know is that Hayes was pretty disappointed at the movie’s negative image of all Turks, but that’s not much dirt.

Now some things to mention:

1. Billy Hayes, if I were to pick out anyone in that airport who was trying to smuggle drugs out of the country, it’d be you.  Look a little less nervous next time you’re committing a crime, buddy.
2. Enough with the heartbeat sound effects, guys.  I get it.  It’s stressful.
3. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why you should never smoke the pot.
4. I know he doesn’t get out quickly, but when his dad visits, you really start to think he’s going to get out soon.
5. If anything happens to that cat, I will strongly consider turning this movie off.
6. …And of course, the next scene is a hanged cat.  I won’t give up on the movie, but I will pick up my Sookie and pretend it never happened.
7. Well, the homosexual relationship was an unexpected twist.
8. I’m just going to say it, Brad Davis is an attractive man.
9. Oh my god!  He literally scratched a man’s eyes out!  My neighbors are going to have my committed after listening to me scream about this movie.  He bit someone’s tongue out!

The moral of the story…Don’t smuggle drugs or you could face a lifetime sentence in a Turkish prison.  It was worth watching, but if you have a weak stomach, I don’t recommend it.

The Crucible

Luke:  Not gonna tell you you look concerned…

Lorelai:  Not gonna tell you how good you’d look dressed like one of the guys from the Crucible. – 1.07

I was so psyched for this movie.  I am a self-proclaimed nerd for Arthur Miller.  I fell in love with this play when I read it in 9th grade English, and more in love with Arthur Miller after Death of a Salesman.  I had a big anthology of all of his plays, and one of my most memorable birthday gifts was a couple of books of his plays.  I used this play a lot to help me write a college paper about mass hysteria.  I also referenced it on the GRE about a month ago.  Needless to say, I love the Crucible.

Things to mention:

1. Principal Rooney?  What are you doing in Salem?  Crazy!
2. Winona Ryder looks like my friend Katherine.  It makes me miss her.
3. Lesson learned:  If you beat someone enough, they’ll tell you want you want to hear.
4. There’s just something humorous about girls screaming “I saw Goody Goode with the devil!”
5. All of this because John cheated on his wife.  “That’s what you get, folks, for making whoopee.”
6. Why would an entire town trust a bunch of teenaged girls as their sole witnesses to kill people?  I was crazy when I was a teenager.
7. If my life depended on being able to name all 10 commandments, I’d be hanged too.
8. Best line ever:  “I say you are pulling heaven down and raising up a whore.  I say God is dead!”

This movie totally met my expectations.  I still hate Abigail.  I still love that adulterous John Proctor.  I LOVE this story.

Schindler’s List

“I was in the German Club for a while, but there were only 3 of us, and 2 left for the French Club after seeing Schindler’s List.” – 1.02

This is the first one so far that I’ve never seen before.  Totally blank slate going into this one.  So, instead of taking notes during it like the last 2, I turned off all the lights, pulled out my crocheting (Nerd alert…) and gave it my full attention.

And now, about five million hours later, I am wiping tears and sitting in silence.  Wow.  I know, about 10 million people have already said how powerful this movie is, but holy cow.

I totally wasn’t expecting to be affected by this movie.  I’ve always been terrible with history.  No joke.  I don’t know basic things that everyone with a high school diploma should know.  I’m not proud of this, it’s just always how I’ve been.  I don’t pay attention to facts.  Just big ideas.  So, when the movie started, I was totally confused.  I didn’t know if Schindler was the good guy or not, that’s how clueless I was.  I knew nothing coming into it.  And to be totally honest, Liam Neeson totally creeps me out.  Though, I will say, this movie probably changed my opinion about him.  I was super confused and overwhelmed with information.

But, as it went on and I stopped getting hung up on the little details and opened up to the big picture of it all, I got more and more into it.  And even though it’s like a 3 and a half hour movie, I never got bored or wanted it to end.

It just blows my mind that the Nazis could have done this.  Admittedly, I really don’t know much about the facts of the Holocaust, but to my simple brain, it seems like the Nazis are just one group of people and the managed to overtake SO many people.  How does that happen?  And why did so many people believe that the Jews deserved to die?  It breaks my heart and blows my mind.  And what’s worse is that this kind of thing can and still does happen.

It makes me feel incredibly lucky that I’ve never been personally affected by something like this, but it also makes me feel guilty that I can never understand the HORRIBLE things people have to endure because of what they believe or look like.  Sure, I’ve met people who disagree with my views about women’s rights or politics or religion, but no one has ever hurt me because of it.  Yes, it sucks when people assume that my pro-choice stance means I want babies dead (ok, maybe an exaggeration…) but, besides a bad feeling, I’m still ok after being disagreed with.

I want to end this post on a positive note, so here it is.  Yes, a HUGE group of people killed millions.  But, ONE man saved thousands.  There are literally 6,000 descendants of the Schindler Jews.  As hokey as it may sound, one person can make an extraordinary difference.  Could you imagine if your entire family’s existence was dependent on the good deed’s of one man?  That’s pretty awesome.

Mommie Dearest

“Come on, you’re not going to give me the Mommie Dearest treatment forever, are you?” – 1.01

“No wire hangers ever!”  Shockingly, there are more lines in the movie besides this one.  No, really, there are.  This is another one I’ve seen before several times.  It’s incredibly disturbing.  But, at the end of it, you just want to say “Really, Christina?  Is that really how it happened?”

I did some research once to see if I could find any evidence that this is actually how Christina Crawford grew up.  From what I’ve read, while Joan Crawford was probably a bad mother, she wasn’t as bad as she was made out.  The directors of the film even say they think Faye Dunaway’s performance was a bit over the top (Especially the rose garden insanity scene…).

But it does make for a good movie.

The thing I love about this movie is that if any celebrity treated their kids this way today, it would be all over the internet in a split second.  What’s that?  You want examples?  Ok…  Britney with Sean Preston on her lap while driving, Michael with the baby over the balcony, Michael Lohan doing anything…People would definitely know about it in today’s world.

Things to mention:

1. I could never spend any time in Joan Crawford’s house.  I’m a very messy person, and that was a damn clean house.
2. Any birthday party scene in older movies will inevitably remind me of the Omen.  I keep waiting for the nanny to shout out “It’s all for you, Damien!” and then jump out the window.
3. Granted, Joan Crawford was a bad mom…but speaking as a former nanny, Christina was a bratty kid.  That scene when she won’t eat her meat and she puts down her fork and gives that withering stare…I have seen that look on kids and it makes you crazy.  Though, usually not crazy enough to force them to eat the same plate of food for 2 days.
4. I really wish I was able to say “Because I’m damn mad!” and get away with it.
5. I’m so glad I never had a desire to be an actress.  Life is dramatic enough without creating your own drama, Joan.
6. I’m also glad that my parents never strapped me to my bed like Christopher was.
7. Speaking of Christopher…Where the hell did he go for like 15 years?
8. When Christina has that ovarian tumor, she calls her Mommie dearest…not 911.  If your mom was that bad, wouldn’t you have learned your lesson?  You should’ve seen her stealing your role on your soap opera coming, Christina.

While it’s a good movie, it probably could have been like an hour shorter.  I think even my cats got bored.

“Because I’m not one of your FANS!”