Archive for the ‘Action’ Category

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AI: Artificial Intelligence

May 31, 2011

“Oh Max, Rory is very low maintenance.  Kind of like that robot kid in AI, only way less mother-obsessed.  Oh my God, that kid was so annoying.  I would have pushed him out of the car while it was still moving.”  – 2.3

I’ve seen this movie before, many years ago.  I remember it being good, but I also remember the ending making me feel really uncomfortable.  I may have had trouble sleeping afterwards.  I mean, both Stanley Kubrick and Steven Spielberg played big roles in this movie, and they’ve managed to scare the crap out of me for pretty much my entire life between ET and the Shining.  I also remember it being very long.  So, here goes.

  1. I can’t imagine strictly limiting pregnancies.  In that world would there be better sex education and more reasonably priced birth control?  Because that would be great.
  2. The doctor in the cryogenics lab was in an episode of How I Met Your Mother I just watched.  He was wearing a toupee at Marshall and Lily’s wedding.
  3. Why would you want a kid that never ages?  I feel like that would get annoying.
  4. Haley Joel Osment was a cute kid.  Unlike his stupid little sister on the Hannah Montana show.
  5. That’s a freaking awesome bed.  I want a bed that’s kind of like a space pod with a moon light behind it.
  6. Why would you leave a huge decision like imprinting on a robot child to have for the rest of your life to your very unstable wife who is mourning the loss of her own son?  Clearly she’s not the best person to do this.
  7. How come the dad doesn’t imprint on the kid?  I thought this movie was futuristic.  The woman is doing all the cooking and cleaning and is the only one who is parenting this robot kid.  Sounds like the stone age to me.
  8. Martin is Matt from Lizzie Maguire!  I miss Lizzie Maguire.
  9. Ewwww….spinach is bad for robots.Martin’s kind of evil.
  10. Ok, I know he looks real, but he’s still just a robot.  Just take him to the lab and have him destroyed.  He tried to kill your human son.
  11. You don’t really need to do much to Jude Law to make him look like this perfect, artificial man.  He kind of already looks that way.
  12.  Also, I really want to watch I Heart Huckabees now.
  13. Giant moon balloon…how cool is that?
  14. As a former nanny, it makes me sad that they used robots as nannies.
  15. No!  Teddy!
  16. Jon Hamm?  Nice cameo, Jon.
  17. Maybe building robots that can feel was a bad plan, guys.
  18. Mad Eye Moody?  Either I watch too much tv, or this movie is filled with a lot of random actors.
  19. Adrien Grenier?  Really?!
  20. This Dr. Know thing is like texting Google.
  21. I’m going to assume that robots were not created to lie.  So how can you frame one for murder?  There has to be some kind of secret camera or something in them to see for sure if they actually murdered someone.
  22. They tricked David.  Bastards.
  23. Here’s my question.  If you can create an artificial child, make it capable of love and dreaming…why can’t you reverse the imprinting on one?
  24. I feel like there wouldn’t be that much of a market for artificial children.  They’re kind of creepy.
  25. Now I remember why the ending creeped me out.  Stupid aliens.
While aliens and any talk about the world ending totally freaks me out, this is a really interesting movie.  And actually, the ending isn’t that creepy.  It’s actually kind of sweet.
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Them!

May 31, 2011

Lorelai:  But the life we had is going to morph into this like mutation that we could never possibly have conceived.

Rory:  Like the giant ants in ‘Them!’? – 2.03

As with most horror movies I’m asked to watch for this blog, I started this one early in the morning so I would have the whole day to recover from it before having to go to sleep tonight.  I also took my shower before watching it, because I have a feeling I might be scared to afterwards.  I know it’s only a 50’s horror movie, which normally isn’t scary…but it’s about bugs.  I don’t do bugs.

  1. Man, I can just picture cute little 50’s girls at the drive in with boys in their school sweaters getting all cozy in the front seat because they’re scared of this movie.
  2. Creepy stuff always happens in New Mexico.  And a little girl holding a doll?!  They’re just asking to creep people out.
  3. This would never happen now.  A town wouldn’t be wiped out by giant ants without the rest of the world knowing.  Someone would put it on Facebook.  Probably with pictures or video.
  4. They all seem awfully calm about shooting at this giant ant…
  5. My bible doesn’t have any prophecy about giant ants.  Ok, I’ll admit, I haven’t read the whole thing.  Maybe it does.
  6. I like how they’re teaching Dr. Medford to speak on a walkie talkie.  “Say over.”  “But I’ve just said it.”  “Say over and out if you’re finished.”  “But she knows I’m finished!”
  7. I’m pretty sure this movie’s not going to scare me.  The ants aren’t all that scary looking.  And no one else in the movie seems all that freaked out.  Except for that little girl.  She’s freaking out.
  8. I think in this situation, I would say “Screw women’s rights.”  You don’t want women in the giant ant nest?  Sounds good to me.
  9. Um, clearly an ant is coming through that hole, guys.  Maybe do something before it does.
  10. Ewwwwww….giant ant eggs.  Ten bucks says we get to see them hatch.
  11. There’s something scary about winged queen ants…
  12. Ants make slaves out of their prisoners?  Is that science, Dr. Medford?
  13. Oh Texans, they say the craziest things.  Flying saucers shaped like ants?  That’s just crazy.
  14. The alcoholic ward of the hospital seems fun.  “Make me a seargent!  Give me the booze!”
  15. Reservoir basins all look the same to me.  Like the location of the drag race at the end of Grease.
  16. Ok, the head of the air force just made an emergency announcement that the city is under attack by giant ants.  Why is no one reacting?
  17. I hope Peterson lives.  I like him.  He saves little kids.
  18. Don’t tell her that her kids are alive until you get them out and away from the ants!
  19. No Peterson!!!
  20. Damn that atomic bomb.
Well, we killed the giant ants.  But what other giant things are we going to find as a result of this new atomic bomb age?!  It’s insanity!
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Billy Jack

May 26, 2011

“You can’t see a Billy Jack movie too many times.”  – 2.3

The only stuff I know about this movie is what they show in Gilmore Girls.  Otherwise, I’m out.

  1. Nice theme music.  I love the 70s.
  2. It seems silly to try to catch horses while you’re riding on horses.
  3. We’re only 5 minutes in and I’m thoroughly convinced that Billy Jack is the most badass guy in the world.
  4. Hepatitis, a sore tooth, and pregnant?  You hit the jackpot, little lady.
  5. I want to be Billy Jack’s apprentice.  I want to be an apprentice to a badass.
  6. Totally shot down, Bernard.  Maybe it’s because your name is Bernard.
  7. How can you be suspicious of pacifists?  You pour flour on people who aren’t white to make them white and then get suspicious of their intentions?
  8. Holy crap, Billy Jack!  You just beat the hell out of those kids!
  9. Dude, you were doing so well with your bare feet.  How did they get the best of you?
  10. Next time the police come in to your school to search for something, just pick up a guitar and sing really loudly.  Words of wisdom, kids.
  11. It’s Johnny Fever!  Oh, WKRP in Cincinnati.
  12. That’s the most exciting City Council meeting I’ve ever seen.
  13. Hold on, Billy gets bitten by a snake over and over again in order to have a vision?  …Crazy…
  14. Poor Martin.  He’s got a broken leg, he’s just going to buy some paint, and the cop hits him in the stomach with a pipe.
  15. Street theatre is funny.
  16. Pulling a knife on a girl and forcing her to take her clothes off?  Oh, you’re such a man.
  17. I would drive my car into the lake too over having a dislocated elbow.
  18. What the hell is wrong with this Bernard kid?  Kidnap and rape?  Seriously?
  19. That pacifist chick is badass, shooting a gun at the bad guys.
  20. They killed Martin?!  What the hell!
  21. Billy Jack just killed a guy with a karate chop.  Freaking awesome.
  22. This seems like an awful lot of trouble for one runaway.
  23. Aw, Jean loves Billy Jack.
  24. She gets shot in the leg and his response is “You crazy nut.”
  25. This is not the Billy Jack movie that they watched on Gilmore Girls…  I hope you all with let that slide.

A little more violent than I tend to like.  But it was interesting.  I wish I had a Billy Jack in my life to kick some ass when necessary.

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Thelma And Louise

February 15, 2011

Paris:  I’m sorry if you thought we had some deep Thelma and Louise thing going here, but we didn’t. – 2.2

Ok, so all I know about Thelma and Louise is that there’s 2 chicks in it, Brad Pitt makes a cameo, and Angel references it in Rent.  Although I am glad I’m finally seeing it.  I feel like it’s something I should watch.  Here goes.

  1. Is it bad that I knew Geena Davis was in this movie but I didn’t know Susan Sarandon is in it?
  2. Really?  Asking your husband for permission to go out of town?  Seriously?
  3. Ew, that guy’s pick up line was that he had something in common with her “funny uncle”.  Gross.
  4. When a woman has been drinking and she says she doesn’t feel good, you don’t ask her what’s wrong.  You point her in the direction of a toilet.
  5. He slapped her and then said “I said I’m not going to hurt you.”  Contradiction…
  6. Oh my gosh!  She shot that guy!  Oh my gosh!
  7. Hold on.  No one’s going to believe he tried to rape her because she was dancing with him all night?  Seriously?  Right, ‘cause guys only rape the girls who show no interest in them.
  8. Mexico?  That’s the best place to go after committing a murder?  Who knew?
  9. It’s true, he is your husband, not your father.  Good job cussing him out.
  10. A young Brad Pitt talks to you, you stop to talk to him.  I don’t care how upset you are.
  11. Texas is ginormous, you can’t get to Mexico from Oklahoma without getting into Texas.  You can’t get anywhere without going through Texas, it takes over the world.  I couldn’t even fly to Oklahoma from Louisiana without stopping in Texas.
  12. Any woman would need a cold shower after spending the day with young Brad Pitt.
  13. His proposal was not even looking at her and handing her a box and saying “Here.”  Classy, Jimmy.
  14. “I may be an outlaw, darling, but you’re the one stealing my heart.”  That. Just. Happened.
  15. Oh Brad Pitt…you seduced her and then took all the money.  What a jerk.  A hot jerk, but a jerk nonetheless.
  16. Here’s a little tip, guys.  Women don’t like it when you do obscene things towards us when we’re driving next to you.  No seriously, none of us like it.
  17. Thelma needs to shut her mouth.
  18. Where do you go when they’ve figured out you’re going to Mexico?
  19. That scene where Thelma is holding that state cop up at gun point is really funny.
  20. I like that they’re both redheads.  Redheads are awesome.

Well, I’m glad I knew how this movie was going to end, otherwise this would have been very shocking to me.  All in all, it’s a decent movie.  I like that all the jerks in the movie pretty much get what’s coming to them.  I mean, death is pretty extreme, but it’s close to the right idea.  Good girl power movie.

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Not Without My Daughter

January 15, 2011

“It’s going to be just like that Sally Field movie where her husband took them to Iran and wouldn’t let them come back except I won’t have to keep my head covered.”  – 2.1

Hello Season 2 movies!
I don’t know anything about this movie except that Sally Field is in it and it‘s based on a true story…  So here goes!

Things to mention:

  1. No way!  It’s Doc Ock!
  2. If it’s bad enough that he’s swearing on the Koran that you won’t be in any danger in Iran…that’s probably a bad sign.
  3. Careful Sally, they are a little TOO excited about your visit…You may be staying longer than 2 weeks.
  4. Every uncovered hair is like a dagger to the heart of your mothers?  Maybe we’re being a little over dramatic, guys.
  5. Yeah, sorry, but if my husband talked to me like that, he’d be in big trouble.  And I wouldn’t be there much longer for him to talk to me like that.
  6. “Oops, sorry honey.  I forgot to tell you, this two week vacation is forever.”
  7. Oh hell no.  You do not tell your wife she has to live in Iran and then punch her.
  8. How can you fall in love with someone and marry them and have a child with them and then turn into such a dick?  Hit her, kidnap her, force her to live in a foreign country and not even talk to her about it?  I’m so mad at you, Doc Ock.
  9. That little girl is stinking adorable.  Especially their little prayer.  So cute.
  10. Hold up…If you marry an Iranian man, you automatically become an Iranian citizen?  That’s insane!  Seriously, read the fine print before getting married, ladies.
  11. “I never want to hurt you” is hard to say when you beat the crap out of her just a couple days earlier.
  12. I think Islam is really fascinating.  This movie is kind of making the whole religion look awful.  Sad for Islam.
  13. Oh my goodness, that little girl screaming and crying when they drop her off at school is so heartbreaking!
  14. Yeah, your wife having a busted lip and a black eye really makes you look like a great husband.
  15. Oh dear Lord, he hit that little girl.  If I could reach through the tv I would kick him in the balls.
  16. Geez, run a little faster Betty!
  17. Don’t you hug him, Betty!  He beat you, he kidnapped your daughter, he locked you alone in the house, and you hug him?!
  18. Why couldn’t she just live in that giant house of Houssein’s?  Until they can get back to America?
  19. Why is it so stinking hard to get out of Iran?
  20. I’m not really one of those “Proud to be an American” types, but I may have teared up when she saw the American flag at the end.

Ok, that was good.  Not my number one choice, but I definitely didn’t get bored with it.  It did make me hate Doc Ock though.  Good thing he died at the end of Spiderman.

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The Matrix

January 15, 2011

“Cheerleader material!  I couldn’t believe it, I almost went full Matrix on her.”  – 1.21

This movie is a milestone for me.  This movie marks the last movie of  Season 1.  (I think I missed one or two because it wasn’t on Netflix.  Sue me.)  I saw this movie when it first came out on video in a friend’s home theatre at a party in middle school, if that gives you any insight into how long ago this was.  I liked it, but I’m not really psyched to watch it again.  We’ll see.
DISCLAIMER:  My downstairs neighbor got a new sound system, or possibly a freight train and it has made my building shake and been insanely loud for about 4 hours now.  If I seem like a crazy person during this entry, let it be known that I am aware.
Some things to mention:

  1. Nothing makes me feel less like a strong, powerful woman than watching Trinity fly over buildings and get away from agents, while I’m sitting on the couch crocheting a scarf.
  2. Dude, instant messaging.  That’s how Trinity typed to you.  Get with it.
  3. When I was little I thought all other people were robots except for me and my friend Kati, because she was weird like me.  And we were the only real people.  And all the robots were trying to hide it from us.  I could have written a movie about that and made a crap load of money.
  4. I wonder if that agent is intentionally the most annoying person on the planet.  And that’s saying a lot when you’re in a movie with Keanu.
  5. The first time I saw that part when they make Keanu’s mouth disappear, I was terrified.  Then they send a bug into his body through his belly button.
  6. I need a black trench coat.  Also, I need to start wearing my sunglasses at night.  So I can, so I can hide.
  7. I would probably take the blue pill.  Usually, if the choice is between doing something, or being asleep in my bed, I’m going to choose bed.
  8. 1999?!  This movie is old…
  9. The Matrix is every nerd’s greatest dreams realized.  We live in a computer-generated world?  I bet when this movie came out there was a great increase in the sale of inhalers.
  10. Thanks Morpheus.  Now I have “Free your mind…and the rest will follow” stuck in my head.
  11. Cypher is the guy from Memento.  Just realized that.
  12. The oracle knows everything…except that smoking is bad for you.
  13. I would hate to live in a world where Keanu Reeves is The One.
  14. Aw, I forgot Mouse died.  He was so cute.
  15. Oh Cypher, don’t you kill Tank.  You are responsible for killing the only 2 people in this movie I actually liked!
  16. Hell yeah!  Tank’s not dead!  He’s just busy kicking ass!
  17. Yeah, I definitely need a black trench coat.
  18. Trinity!  Now is not the time for heart to hearts!  Answer the freaking phone!
  19. Oh I do not like those alien, robot squid things.
  20. It’s like Keanu is Sleeping Beauty.  Or Snow White.  Whichever one woke up from a kiss.

There’s not really much to say about the Matrix.  So I leave you with this…My neighbor is still running the freight train through his apartment.  And I still want to blow my brains out.

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Saving Private Ryan

October 9, 2010

“It would be like watching the first 15 minutes of Saving Private Ryan, but at least those guys got to be in France.” – 1.19

I’m really sucking at this blog, huh?  I have a bunch of excuses if you want to hear them…  No internet at my house, I got sucked into Mad Men and starting getting that sent by Netflix, I work a lot, blah blah blah…Sorry.  But I’ll try to get back on track!

I’m really not all that excited about this one.  I don’t particularly like war movies.  And certainly not war movies that are close to 3 hours long.  But I do love Tom Hanks.  So I might be able to make it through this one.  I could just pretend I’m watching Big if I wanted to.

  1. Did we really have to see the guys throw up on the boat before they get on the beach?  That seems a little unnecessary.
  2. Ew!  Some guy’s leg just got blown off!  Oh…That guy is carrying his own arm.  I’m going to vomit.
  3. How did anyone stay in the theatre during the beginning of this movie?  I’m definitely done watching.
  4. The guy who got hit with a bullet on his helmet, took his helmet off and then got shot in the head, kinda deserved to die for taking his helmet off.  Clearly someone has a good shot of you, why get rid of your armor?
  5. Oh those poor secretaries having to type all those letters to families about their sons being dead…Talk about a depressing job.
  6. Oh no.  Listen, if you know anything about me, you know that the guy in their group who played Chandler’s roommate on Friends when Joey moved out and also played that guy in Dazed and Confused who hung out with the frizzy redhead and Mark from Rent…makes me absolutely sick.  I have a very strong hatred for this actor.  There’s absolutely no reason for it, but I hate him so much.  He’s jittery and he always plays some obnoxious character.  He may have just ruined this movie for me.  I hate him more than I hate Nicholas Cage.  And that is saying a lot.  Maybe they’ll kill him off early.  Also, be forewarned that several items in this list will simply be “I hate that guy.”  From here on out, you know what that means.
  7. Man, I could’ve totally been ok with keeping Vin Diesel in a little longer over that other guy.  You’re killing off the wrong characters, Spielberg.  I hate that guy.
  8. They found the WRONG Ryan?!  Holy crap.
  9. Ok, I get that you’re pissed that you’re risking your lives to bring one man home, but it’s not Private Ryan’s fault, so don’t call names.  He doesn’t even know about it.
  10. Yeah, I definitely don’t like war movies.  Sorry.
  11. Damn,  That guy I hate just keeps surviving.  This is like in House of Wax when everyone died, but Paris Hilton kept living.
  12. I may be way behind on this…but Matt Damon is Private Ryan?  I honestly had no idea.
  13. Ok, I get the whole camaraderie thing with your troop, but seriously, Ryan?  They tell you to go home to your mom, you freaking go home.
  14. I’ve lost most of my interest in this movie.
  15. I feel like I’m watching someone else play a video game.
  16. Stop, drop, and roll, guys on fire!
  17. Dear Guy I Hate,  I’m sorry about all the mean things I said about you.  You died in a really horrible way.  I won’t hate you in this movie.  But I will continue hating you in everything else you’ve done.
  18. If I ever get shot, I wanna be like the guy that got shot and said “I just got the wind knocked out of me.”  That’s so bad ass.
  19. What?!  Tom Hanks DIES!?  I thought he was the old man in the beginning!  What are you doing to me!?
  20. You’re not going to show the reunion between Ryan and his mother?  Lame.

So, I guess for people who are into this kind of movie, it’s pretty good.  Very bloody, very action packed, and not something I would pick for myself.  But I still love Tom Hanks.