Archive for the ‘90s’ Category

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The Matrix

January 15, 2011

“Cheerleader material!  I couldn’t believe it, I almost went full Matrix on her.”  – 1.21

This movie is a milestone for me.  This movie marks the last movie of  Season 1.  (I think I missed one or two because it wasn’t on Netflix.  Sue me.)  I saw this movie when it first came out on video in a friend’s home theatre at a party in middle school, if that gives you any insight into how long ago this was.  I liked it, but I’m not really psyched to watch it again.  We’ll see.
DISCLAIMER:  My downstairs neighbor got a new sound system, or possibly a freight train and it has made my building shake and been insanely loud for about 4 hours now.  If I seem like a crazy person during this entry, let it be known that I am aware.
Some things to mention:

  1. Nothing makes me feel less like a strong, powerful woman than watching Trinity fly over buildings and get away from agents, while I’m sitting on the couch crocheting a scarf.
  2. Dude, instant messaging.  That’s how Trinity typed to you.  Get with it.
  3. When I was little I thought all other people were robots except for me and my friend Kati, because she was weird like me.  And we were the only real people.  And all the robots were trying to hide it from us.  I could have written a movie about that and made a crap load of money.
  4. I wonder if that agent is intentionally the most annoying person on the planet.  And that’s saying a lot when you’re in a movie with Keanu.
  5. The first time I saw that part when they make Keanu’s mouth disappear, I was terrified.  Then they send a bug into his body through his belly button.
  6. I need a black trench coat.  Also, I need to start wearing my sunglasses at night.  So I can, so I can hide.
  7. I would probably take the blue pill.  Usually, if the choice is between doing something, or being asleep in my bed, I’m going to choose bed.
  8. 1999?!  This movie is old…
  9. The Matrix is every nerd’s greatest dreams realized.  We live in a computer-generated world?  I bet when this movie came out there was a great increase in the sale of inhalers.
  10. Thanks Morpheus.  Now I have “Free your mind…and the rest will follow” stuck in my head.
  11. Cypher is the guy from Memento.  Just realized that.
  12. The oracle knows everything…except that smoking is bad for you.
  13. I would hate to live in a world where Keanu Reeves is The One.
  14. Aw, I forgot Mouse died.  He was so cute.
  15. Oh Cypher, don’t you kill Tank.  You are responsible for killing the only 2 people in this movie I actually liked!
  16. Hell yeah!  Tank’s not dead!  He’s just busy kicking ass!
  17. Yeah, I definitely need a black trench coat.
  18. Trinity!  Now is not the time for heart to hearts!  Answer the freaking phone!
  19. Oh I do not like those alien, robot squid things.
  20. It’s like Keanu is Sleeping Beauty.  Or Snow White.  Whichever one woke up from a kiss.

There’s not really much to say about the Matrix.  So I leave you with this…My neighbor is still running the freight train through his apartment.  And I still want to blow my brains out.

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GI Jane

July 17, 2010

“This is like G.I. Jane, but we get to keep our hair.” – 1.17

I have absolutely no interest in watching this movie.  I don’t particularly care for military movies.  I don’t really like Demi Moore that much.  However, I do like the whole female empowerment thing.  So, maybe it’ll surprise me.

  1. I couldn’t figure out why I thought that Theodore Hayes looked so familiar to me.  It’s because he was Commandant Spangler in Malcolm in the Middle.  I used to LOVE Malcolm in the Middle.
  2. I love how the bubble bath with the candles and champagne comes across as just a normal evening for these 2.  Just chatting about their work days, rubbing each other’s feet and drinking champagne in the bath…
  3. Viggo Mortenson is a creeper.
  4. Why would anyone choose to do this?  Getting screamed at all day, working so hard you throw up…It doesn’t make sense to me.
  5. Ew, eating the food they had thrown in the trash at lunch for dinner?  No, I definitely don’t get it.
  6. Well, that’s not safe.  What if someone dies during training?
  7. I don’t think going bald is going to make any difference in how they treat you, Demi.
  8. I don’t understand making fun of her for having tampons.  Would you rather she not use them?  Because I feel like that’d be more annoying to deal with.
  9. I will give Demi some credit for a kick ass body in this movie.
  10. She’s been through 8 weeks of this?  Seriously?  I would’ve quit a long time ago.
  11. Throwing bags over their heads and dragging them away is a part of training?
  12. Seriously…no one is forcing these people to do this.  Being tortured and hurt pretty seriously.  By choice.  This makes no sense to me.
  13. At some point, there needs to be a survival instinct for these people.  Some guy is beating the hell out of you.  You get the chance to get away and you beat him up instead?  Why not just run away from him so he can’t beat you up any more.
  14. So, they have no problem with a woman in the navy (“no problem” being used loosely), but if she’s a lesbian then that’s a BIG problem.  For real?
  15. After all she went through, she’s out because someone has alleged that she’s a lesbian?  This is ridiculous.
  16. Shockingly, the woman we thought would be a good female force in the movie, ends up being the one who says things like “America’s not ready to put its daughters and young mothers in harm’s way.”
  17. I used to tell people I was going to join the army when I was in high school.  That’s because I’m like 5’2 and people give me crap about being small and weak.  I never would have actually joined.  After this, I really would’ve never joined.  And furthermore, I may be small, but I’m not weak.  I walked 60 miles in three days and was in the beginning of the pack for most of it.  Not everyone can do that.
  18. This camera work is making me nauseous.
  19. This is why I could never be in any armed forces.  It all just looks like a game to me that just got out of hand.
  20. Don’t cry, Demi!  Be a man!

Well, I’ll admit it.  By the end, I was invested in it.  And Demi is pretty bad ass in it.  I still don’t understand anyone’s desire to do that to themselves, but everyone’s got their own thing, I guess.  If you like action movies and you’re a girl, you’ll probably like this.  Come to think of it, one of my college roommates would probably love this movie.

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    Misery

    June 20, 2010

    Oh God. Mom has gone a little crazy with the figurines here, huh? A little Kathy Bates. Although you probably haven’t seen Misery, which is a good thing because Rory couldn’t sleep alone for a week after we watched it.” – 1.16

    I’m a little nervous about Misery.  Rory couldn’t sleep alone for weeks after seeing it.  Stephen King has not served me well in the past.  I mean, let’s not ignore that horrible trick he played on me with the ending of Carrie.  So we’ll see how this goes.  I did wait until morning to watch it.  It’s no Lady and the Tramp, that’s for sure.

    Now some things to mention:

    1. Is there anyone out there that can actually light a match with just one hand?
    2. I do not miss driving in the snow.
    3. I just got CPR certified yesterday and that is not the proper way to do it .  It’s 2 breaths, 30 chest compressions.  Not 2 breaths, 2 chest compressions.
    4. Wow, Kathy Bates looks young.
    5. Ew!  Stop talking about his bones!
    6. Woah, Annie.  Sometimes people swear.  Get over it.
    7. This sheriff and his wife are adorable.
    8. Yeah, you’re rethinking giving up on that series now, aren’t you Paul?  What’s a few more romance novels when compared to being alive?
    9. Oh god, all the broken limbs…I don’t know if I can handle this.  Damn you, Stephen King.
    10. I’ve decided I really don’t want Paul to die.  I think this could end badly for me.
    11. The penguin’s facing the wrong way!  Fix it Paul!!!
    12. No, don’t get out of the chair on those broken legs!  Don’t do it, I won’t be able to take any more cracking bones, Paul.
    13. Just for your knowledge, I’m actually shouting these things at the tv.  As if Paul can hear me and will do what I tell him to.  It’s not working.
    14. I’m telling you, the sheriff and his wife are secretly the most important characters in this movie.
    15. You are a sly fox, Paul Sheldon.  A sly fox.  But not sly enough my friend.
    16. Anyone remember the Pink video for Please Don’t Leave Me?  With that beautiful Eric Lively?  It’s a lot like this movie.
    17. She kills babies?!
    18. Let me paint a picture for you.  Annie starts to talk about “hobbling” Paul.  I grab my ears and shut my eyes and scream “Don’t do it! Don’t do it! Don’t do it!” and I wait until Paul’s screaming is done to open my eyes.  I open them and my cat is sitting next to the couch staring at me.  I think he thinks I’m crazy.  I think I probably am.
    19. Stop blaming your crazy on God.
    20. NOOOOOOO!!! NOT THE SHERIFF!
    21. I can’t believe she killed my favorite character.  I’m so over this movie.  The sheriff was the best guy in the whole movie.  And his cute little old wife is now a widow.  I’m so distraught.
    22. Wait, so beating her over the head with the typewriter didn’t do the trick, but tripping her so she falls on the typewriter?  That did it?  Oh wait…no it didn’t.

    Holy cow, that’s a crazy movie.  Not scary like Carrie or The Shining, but scary in that creepy kidnapper thriller type of way.  Which, in reality does not scare me nearly as much.  It was good.  I’m glad I saw it.  I’ll never be able to look at Kathy Bates the same way though.