Archive for January, 2011



January 28, 2011

Max:  Mmhmm, put Cujo on the phone please. – 2.1

Y’all know how I feel about Stephen King.  Y’all also know how I feel about dogs.  So I’m a little nervous about this one.  I always wanted a St. Bernard, but Stephen has this history of destroying the things I love.  But, I’m going to be brave.

Now some things to mention:

  1. Aw, it starts with a bunny!  Bunnies aren’t scary!
  2. I think little kids should just be allowed to sleep with the lights on.  If you’re scared of the dark, sometimes it’s ok to sleep with the lights on.  Sometimes I leave the kitchen light on if I’m freaked out.  I see nothing wrong with that.
  3. Telling your kid there’s no such thing as real monsters is kind of crap.  I mean, what about serial killers?  They’re monsters.  Or killer St. Bernards.  I’d call that a monster.
  4. She’s sleeping with her husband’s tennis partner?  That’s an interesting twist.
  5. “Our marriage is falling apart.  We should probably have another baby.”
  6. What are the odds that the husband drives by right after his wife tries to leave the man she’s sleeping with while that man is trying to win her back?
  7. Poor Cujo.  He’s clearly feeling sick from his rabies-infested bat bite and those guys are being loud and bothering him.
  8. Hey man, just because your wife is a cheating whore, doesn’t mean you should take it out on your sweet little boy.
  9. Ok, how did no one notice the giant bite on Cujo’s nose?  I mean, you have a dog that roams free on farmland and shows up with a bite on his nose, you freaking get that dog checked out.
  10. That guy pretty much signed himself up to be the first one killed when he said “That dog would never come after me!”
  11. Are you egging on the rabid dog, stupid stupid man?
  12. Yeah, he doesn’t so much need the dog food now.  He just ate your friend.
  13. So far I’m not really getting the whole horror movie aspect of this.  If you ask me, it’s just a rabid dog.  I mean, he’s big because he’s a St. Bernard, but it’s still just a rabid dog.  They took care of it with Old Yeller.
  14. That kid just said “I can’t get my damn seat belt off” and she didn’t react at all.  He’s like 5.
  15. Trapped in a Pinto.  That’s a bad way to go.
  16. Poor Cujo.  He was just chasing a bunny and some stupid bat bit him and now everything’s getting blamed on him.  It’s not his fault the bat bit him and it’s not his fault no one noticed he was rabid.
  17. Close the windows before you try to start the car and get his attention!  These people are so dumb.
  18. Hold on, did that actually happen where she opened the door and the dog attacked her?  Or did her husband just dream it?
  19. Shaking and screaming at a kid during an asthma attack probably won’t help him very much.  Though apparently in this movie, it does.
  20. Well, Stephen King is a pro at making me think things are going to go well and then ruining my life by proving me wrong, so I’m not holding out much hope for this cop.
  21. If she got bit by Cujo, wouldn’t she get rabies?  I mean, she might not go rabid and I know it’s not like zombies, but she would at least get sick, wouldn’t she?
  22. Really?  You’re taking on a rabid St. Bernard with a baseball bat?  That’s probably not your best idea.
  23. Do you know for 100% sure that dog is dead?  Because if you don’t, you should probably still shoot him.  Just for safe measure.
  24. Who called it?  That dog totally wasn’t dead.  I knew he’d come back.  Stupid people.
  25. Yeah, you’re a little late there, Vic.

So, I think this is the kind of movie that scared me a lot during it (I covered my eyes and screamed a lot) but it probably won’t keep me up at night.  Like I said, it was just a rabid dog.  I am curious as to how the mother and kid who owned Cujo are going to react when they come back to their house and find three dead guys, a dog shot in the kitchen and a bloody Pinto in the yard.


Funny Girl

January 22, 2011

Sookie:  You’re gonna be a Sadie!

Lorelai:  A what?

Sookie:  Sadie, Sadie, married lady!  Meet a mortgagee!

Lorelai:  Funny Girl!

Sookie:  Streisand! – 2.1


This is one of my absolute favorite movies of all time.  I love Barbara in it, I love the songs, I just love everything about it.  And it’s one of the few movies on this list that I actually own, which is nice.  If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it.  It’s a perfect Friday night, order a pizza, wear your jammies kind of movie.  Which is exactly what I’m doing while watching it.

Now some things to mention:

  1. Any movie that has the first line “Hello, gorgeous,” is ok in my book.
  2. Barbara Streisand was really pretty in her day.
  3. I miss the days when the requirements to be a famous actor included having talent.  I mean, I don’t know that I was alive when that was the case, but I like the movies from that time.
  4. Usually when I meet an attractive man, I sing his name in my head…or not.
  5. Polish on his fingernails?  Gross.
  6. Fanny was right to make the bride number funny.  The lyrics are stupid.
  7. Do some guys get a booklet about things to say to give a girl butterflies?  I mean, some guys can’t do it, but some guys, it’s like they just know.  Nick Arnstein got the booklet.
  8. A man saying he doesn’t make definite plans because they make him feel tied down is a HUGE red flag.
  9. Yes, I would agree that “You are woman, I am man, let’s kiss” is a very direct approach.
  10. Oh that purple dress.  I have dreams about Barbara’s gorgeous wardrobe in this movie.
  11. Yes, I’m a feminist and I don’t think any woman should throw her career away for a man, but I do love Don’t Rain On My Parade.
  12. I don’t know that I would want to marry a man who would only propose if he won a poker game.  Sorry Nick.
  13. I kinda wish Fanny had married the piano player.
  14. I love the Swan Lake number.  I don’t know that there’s many actresses out there now who would make themselves look as silly as Barbara does.
  15. Geez, Nick.  Get a real job.  Stop gambling and expecting to survive off of it.
  16. Is it so horrible for a man to be supported by a woman?  I mean, she’s a successful actress, is that so wrong?
  17. This is why husbands should talk to their wives.  So they don’t do stupid stuff and go to jail.
  18. You should’ve married the piano player…he never went to jail.
  19. Quit the theatre?  He went to jail, he doesn’t get to tell you to quit the theatre.
  20. Good job, Barbara.

Ordinarily, women who are so crazy, stupid in love with their husbands make me nuts.  Not the being in love part, but the “can’t possibly survive without him” part.  And, yeah, Fanny’s desperation to marry Nick and her blind devotion to him does kind of make me nuts.  But in her character, I just see it as immaturity, not lack of independence.  He’s her first love and she’s crazy about him.  She doesn’t want to believe anything bad about him.  But I think she does wise up and realize that while she loves him, she can get by without him if necessary.  She’s amazing in her career and she supports him while knowing she can support herself.  And, the ending pretty much redeems her in my eyes as a strong, independent woman.




January 21, 2011

Sookie:  Michel’s going to live forever.

Lorelai:  Like on Fame?

Sookie:  That’s what I said! – 2.1

This is one of those movies I wish I’d seen but that I never got around too.  I like watching talented people.  Especially dancers, because I can’t dance.  Also, Alan Parker also directed Midnight Express.  Which grossed me out, but was still a good movie.

Now for some things to mention:

  1. Ha ha, that girl just said “Does that hurt, or is that ethnic?” about a girl’s nose ring.  I love it.
  2. Doris Finsecker was in Grease 2.  I just became very interested in this movie.
  3. I don’t know if I could handle all these adolescent drama kids.  It’s like the worst of both worlds.
  4. I wonder how many kids applied to this school after this movie came out…
  5. I love how they think Leroy is so great, but really, he’s just dancing like a stripper.
  6. She just called his boom box a “ghetto blaster”.    I don’t think that would fly today.
  7. My high school was pretty cool.  I mean, John Mayer played at my prom.  But we never had a musical number about our lunch lady during lunch.  That’s pretty awesome.
  8. I wish I hadn’t quit piano.  I played for 8 years and I don’t remember anything.  That’s such a waste.
  9. That’s quite a freak out just because your teacher asked you to read.
  10. I think it’s ridiculous that I’ve sung enough Latin in my life that I understand the words when people sing in Latin.
  11. I like what Martelli says about how if Mozart was around he wouldn’t be doing music the way he did then.  He’d use the electronic stuff to make more different sounds.
  12. The whole dancing to Fame in the streets scene kind of came out of nowhere…
  13. “Never being happy isn’t the same as being unhappy.”  I like that.
  14. I just realized who the teacher is!  She’s Steve Brady’s mother from Sex and The City!  I love it!
  15. I wish I spoke Spanish so I knew what happened to that poor little girl that Ralph lives with.
  16. She got beaten up by a junkie?!  She’s 5 years old!
  17. I would love to go to a screening of Rocky Horror like that.
  18. Poor Montgomery…all by himself.
  19. Oh Coco, do not trust the dirty guy in the coffee shop asking you to do a screen test.
  20. Kind of an anticlimactic ending…

It was good and interesting, but seriously?  What happened to all the kids?  Did Ralph and Doris ever make up?  What happened with Coco and that pervy guy?  Did the rich white ballerina get the abortion?  Did Leroy ever learn to read?  Did Mrs. Sherwood’s husband die?  These are important questions that will keep me up at night.  Ok, probably not.



Not Without My Daughter

January 15, 2011

“It’s going to be just like that Sally Field movie where her husband took them to Iran and wouldn’t let them come back except I won’t have to keep my head covered.”  – 2.1

Hello Season 2 movies!
I don’t know anything about this movie except that Sally Field is in it and it‘s based on a true story…  So here goes!

Things to mention:

  1. No way!  It’s Doc Ock!
  2. If it’s bad enough that he’s swearing on the Koran that you won’t be in any danger in Iran…that’s probably a bad sign.
  3. Careful Sally, they are a little TOO excited about your visit…You may be staying longer than 2 weeks.
  4. Every uncovered hair is like a dagger to the heart of your mothers?  Maybe we’re being a little over dramatic, guys.
  5. Yeah, sorry, but if my husband talked to me like that, he’d be in big trouble.  And I wouldn’t be there much longer for him to talk to me like that.
  6. “Oops, sorry honey.  I forgot to tell you, this two week vacation is forever.”
  7. Oh hell no.  You do not tell your wife she has to live in Iran and then punch her.
  8. How can you fall in love with someone and marry them and have a child with them and then turn into such a dick?  Hit her, kidnap her, force her to live in a foreign country and not even talk to her about it?  I’m so mad at you, Doc Ock.
  9. That little girl is stinking adorable.  Especially their little prayer.  So cute.
  10. Hold up…If you marry an Iranian man, you automatically become an Iranian citizen?  That’s insane!  Seriously, read the fine print before getting married, ladies.
  11. “I never want to hurt you” is hard to say when you beat the crap out of her just a couple days earlier.
  12. I think Islam is really fascinating.  This movie is kind of making the whole religion look awful.  Sad for Islam.
  13. Oh my goodness, that little girl screaming and crying when they drop her off at school is so heartbreaking!
  14. Yeah, your wife having a busted lip and a black eye really makes you look like a great husband.
  15. Oh dear Lord, he hit that little girl.  If I could reach through the tv I would kick him in the balls.
  16. Geez, run a little faster Betty!
  17. Don’t you hug him, Betty!  He beat you, he kidnapped your daughter, he locked you alone in the house, and you hug him?!
  18. Why couldn’t she just live in that giant house of Houssein’s?  Until they can get back to America?
  19. Why is it so stinking hard to get out of Iran?
  20. I’m not really one of those “Proud to be an American” types, but I may have teared up when she saw the American flag at the end.

Ok, that was good.  Not my number one choice, but I definitely didn’t get bored with it.  It did make me hate Doc Ock though.  Good thing he died at the end of Spiderman.


The Matrix

January 15, 2011

“Cheerleader material!  I couldn’t believe it, I almost went full Matrix on her.”  – 1.21

This movie is a milestone for me.  This movie marks the last movie of  Season 1.  (I think I missed one or two because it wasn’t on Netflix.  Sue me.)  I saw this movie when it first came out on video in a friend’s home theatre at a party in middle school, if that gives you any insight into how long ago this was.  I liked it, but I’m not really psyched to watch it again.  We’ll see.
DISCLAIMER:  My downstairs neighbor got a new sound system, or possibly a freight train and it has made my building shake and been insanely loud for about 4 hours now.  If I seem like a crazy person during this entry, let it be known that I am aware.
Some things to mention:

  1. Nothing makes me feel less like a strong, powerful woman than watching Trinity fly over buildings and get away from agents, while I’m sitting on the couch crocheting a scarf.
  2. Dude, instant messaging.  That’s how Trinity typed to you.  Get with it.
  3. When I was little I thought all other people were robots except for me and my friend Kati, because she was weird like me.  And we were the only real people.  And all the robots were trying to hide it from us.  I could have written a movie about that and made a crap load of money.
  4. I wonder if that agent is intentionally the most annoying person on the planet.  And that’s saying a lot when you’re in a movie with Keanu.
  5. The first time I saw that part when they make Keanu’s mouth disappear, I was terrified.  Then they send a bug into his body through his belly button.
  6. I need a black trench coat.  Also, I need to start wearing my sunglasses at night.  So I can, so I can hide.
  7. I would probably take the blue pill.  Usually, if the choice is between doing something, or being asleep in my bed, I’m going to choose bed.
  8. 1999?!  This movie is old…
  9. The Matrix is every nerd’s greatest dreams realized.  We live in a computer-generated world?  I bet when this movie came out there was a great increase in the sale of inhalers.
  10. Thanks Morpheus.  Now I have “Free your mind…and the rest will follow” stuck in my head.
  11. Cypher is the guy from Memento.  Just realized that.
  12. The oracle knows everything…except that smoking is bad for you.
  13. I would hate to live in a world where Keanu Reeves is The One.
  14. Aw, I forgot Mouse died.  He was so cute.
  15. Oh Cypher, don’t you kill Tank.  You are responsible for killing the only 2 people in this movie I actually liked!
  16. Hell yeah!  Tank’s not dead!  He’s just busy kicking ass!
  17. Yeah, I definitely need a black trench coat.
  18. Trinity!  Now is not the time for heart to hearts!  Answer the freaking phone!
  19. Oh I do not like those alien, robot squid things.
  20. It’s like Keanu is Sleeping Beauty.  Or Snow White.  Whichever one woke up from a kiss.

There’s not really much to say about the Matrix.  So I leave you with this…My neighbor is still running the freight train through his apartment.  And I still want to blow my brains out.