Out Of Africa

“Okay, last week we were talking about Meryl Streep and the whole accent thing and Rachel said that she loved “Out of Africa” but she’d never read the book, remember?” -1.20

I don’t really have high hopes about this one.  I just don’t think it’s going to be very good and nothing about it interests me.  So…we’ll see.

Now some things to mention:

1. Meryl Streep, I love you, but the Danish accent is boring and lame.
2. Punishment for not being married?  Really?
3. I don’t really plan on having a wedding, but if I do, there should totally be bagpipes there.  Maybe I could get Ross Gellar to play Celebration.
4. I love that giant dog she has.  Though with my luck with the movies I’ve been watching, the dog will probably die.
5. That’s what happens when you get married, Karen, you can’t be with the attractive men.
6. I like what she says about how when men are tested, they are tested for courage and when women are tested they are tested for patience.
7. Aw, the little boys waiting for the cuckoo clock to go off is cute.
8. Hell no, no one’s telling me to move into town for my own protection.  I can protect myself, thank you very much.
9. Stop hitting the cows, they’re going as fast as they can!
10. WHAT?!  She got syphilis?!  What?!  No one’s immune, friends.  Wear condoms.  And get tested every 6 months if changing partners, every year if monogamous.  Just a little public service announcement from me to you.
11. She didn’t get to take her dog with her back to Denmark?  Lame.
12. Ladies, when a man gives you syphilis, please do not go back to him.  Thanks.
13. Meryl Streep looks like a living Victorian painting in this movie.
14. I feel like your husband moving out is a perfect reason to accept a gift from Robert Redford.
15. Hairwashing is weird…
16. “So let’s lie down and get on with it,”  Great pick up line.
17. Holy crap, they just shot a couple of lions.  That was like a video game.
18. Poor Barkley.
19. Really?  The baron comes back for money?
20. I think that my version of love is very close with Robert Redford’s.  You shouldn’t NEED someone.

Ok, so I may have stopped paying attention while watching this and started making a mix for an upcoming roadtrip.  Sue me.  It’s a crazy long movie.

Saving Private Ryan

“It would be like watching the first 15 minutes of Saving Private Ryan, but at least those guys got to be in France.” – 1.19

I’m really sucking at this blog, huh?  I have a bunch of excuses if you want to hear them…  No internet at my house, I got sucked into Mad Men and starting getting that sent by Netflix, I work a lot, blah blah blah…Sorry.  But I’ll try to get back on track!

I’m really not all that excited about this one.  I don’t particularly like war movies.  And certainly not war movies that are close to 3 hours long.  But I do love Tom Hanks.  So I might be able to make it through this one.  I could just pretend I’m watching Big if I wanted to.

1. Did we really have to see the guys throw up on the boat before they get on the beach?  That seems a little unnecessary.
2. Ew!  Some guy’s leg just got blown off!  Oh…That guy is carrying his own arm.  I’m going to vomit.
3. How did anyone stay in the theatre during the beginning of this movie?  I’m definitely done watching.
4. The guy who got hit with a bullet on his helmet, took his helmet off and then got shot in the head, kinda deserved to die for taking his helmet off.  Clearly someone has a good shot of you, why get rid of your armor?
5. Oh those poor secretaries having to type all those letters to families about their sons being dead…Talk about a depressing job.
6. Oh no.  Listen, if you know anything about me, you know that the guy in their group who played Chandler’s roommate on Friends when Joey moved out and also played that guy in Dazed and Confused who hung out with the frizzy redhead and Mark from Rent…makes me absolutely sick.  I have a very strong hatred for this actor.  There’s absolutely no reason for it, but I hate him so much.  He’s jittery and he always plays some obnoxious character.  He may have just ruined this movie for me.  I hate him more than I hate Nicholas Cage.  And that is saying a lot.  Maybe they’ll kill him off early.  Also, be forewarned that several items in this list will simply be “I hate that guy.”  From here on out, you know what that means.
7. Man, I could’ve totally been ok with keeping Vin Diesel in a little longer over that other guy.  You’re killing off the wrong characters, Spielberg.  I hate that guy.
8. They found the WRONG Ryan?!  Holy crap.
9. Ok, I get that you’re pissed that you’re risking your lives to bring one man home, but it’s not Private Ryan’s fault, so don’t call names.  He doesn’t even know about it.
10. Yeah, I definitely don’t like war movies.  Sorry.
11. Damn,  That guy I hate just keeps surviving.  This is like in House of Wax when everyone died, but Paris Hilton kept living.
12. I may be way behind on this…but Matt Damon is Private Ryan?  I honestly had no idea.
13. Ok, I get the whole camaraderie thing with your troop, but seriously, Ryan?  They tell you to go home to your mom, you freaking go home.
14. I’ve lost most of my interest in this movie.
15. I feel like I’m watching someone else play a video game.
16. Stop, drop, and roll, guys on fire!
17. Dear Guy I Hate,  I’m sorry about all the mean things I said about you.  You died in a really horrible way.  I won’t hate you in this movie.  But I will continue hating you in everything else you’ve done.
18. If I ever get shot, I wanna be like the guy that got shot and said “I just got the wind knocked out of me.”  That’s so bad ass.
19. What?!  Tom Hanks DIES!?  I thought he was the old man in the beginning!  What are you doing to me!?
20. You’re not going to show the reunion between Ryan and his mother?  Lame.

So, I guess for people who are into this kind of movie, it’s pretty good.  Very bloody, very action packed, and not something I would pick for myself.  But I still love Tom Hanks.